If you have a friend, relative or loved one living with pain, you may be unaware of just how much they are hurting. Since pain often can’t be seen, or accurately measured, it’s important for them to be able to describe how much pain they’re in. Pain doesn’t just affect them physically, it can take a toll on their emotions, their relationships and how they feel about themselves. Having them talk to a healthcare professional is the necessary first step in getting them the pain treatment and management they need.

Pain can put a tremendous strain on relationships, both inside and outside of the immediate family. That’s because it can be hard to understand the pain your friend, relative or loved one is experiencing, and how much it impacts their daily life. This may cause them to decline invitations, avoid friends and family, and to stop talking about their pain—bringing a sense of isolation. Their best approach is often to let those around them know about their situation and to ask for their support when they need it.

To gain respect and feel better about themselves, those in pain may choose to bravely move on with their lives and “push through” their pain. However, this effort may not be acknowledged, because you and others may not recognize their pain. It can also be hard to rely on others for support. They should be realistic about what they can do on their own and ask for the help they need. Make sure that they talk to their healthcare professional before starting any exercise regimen. It’s also possible for the person in pain to feel better about their financial health through careful budgeting, applying for the benefits they’re entitled to, or finding work that is less physically demanding.

The uncertainty and unpredictability that come with an injury or illness, along with the changing nature of pain, can make it difficult to adjust to what is now the “new normal”. It’s important to take advantage of the times when there might be less intense pain to get things accomplished. People living with pain can plan ahead, be compassionate with themselves and allow themselves adequate time, but be careful not to overexert themselves. Some people also maintain control by establishing a regular, daily routine that starts from the moment they get out of bed and continues throughout the day. They might also become their own medical advocate, educating themselves about treatment options and using their time to find the right team of medical professionals.

If you know someone who is living with pain, they may encounter people who judge them, creating difficult interactions with friends and relatives to those in the medical community. This can cause anxiety. Remember that pain is personal, as is the way they and their medical team treat it. You can help ensure that they discuss how they are feeling with their care team. You can also remind them to always maintain a healthy respect for the risks and benefits of treatment.

For patients, living with pain is an emotional journey. People may struggle to stay hopeful when faced with the negative emotions that can sometimes occur. You may be able to help your loved ones to set attainable goals; instead of hoping for less pain, they may hope for periods of less pain. There is also preliminary evidence that those who manage to maintain a more optimistic outlook seem to do better. Here are a few additional approaches they might consider:

• • Seeking support from their care team, friends and family
• • A focus on positive thinking, through counseling or meditation
• • Engagement in activities that make them feel happy
• • Avoiding negativity, including negative people and unsupportive people